Midlife Stagnant Relationships, Do you remember… when you first met your partner? The time when the two of you couldn’t walk without holding hands? When you used to kiss each other nonstop and if separated couldn’t stop thinking and talking about each other? Now you’ve reached midlife and you have a stagnant relationship – what happened!
When you first meet you never imagine that these behaviours would change. The problem is, the ‘love’ hormones flatten out after eighteen months and then it’s back to normal. Life is not so rosy – finding your partner has drunk the last of the milk, has left clothes on the floor or is late to meet you yet again, now makes you angry.
It only takes humans less than four minutes to decide if they fancy someone, yet it’s a lifetime of work to stay fancying each other!
Wouldn’t you like to reclaim the passion and excitement you felt back at the beginning?
Yes? Well, there is a catch…
First of all, you need to ask yourself about the reasons for why you want to work on your stagnant relationship. Is it because you believe in the two of you and want to make it work? Or is it because of your children and social expectations?
If it’s the latter, then expect disappointment. It is difficult to build a satisfying and lasting relationship based on others, BE Sensibly Selfish. Put yourself first, is this what you want to work on?
Be prepared to talk to each other. There is no better starting point than the both of you having the same big goal: make your stagnant relationship work and fall in love again. Here are some tips which will help you stay in love no matter if you’ve been together five or fifty years.
Top Tips For Fixing A Stagnant Relationship
If You Want Change, Change!
Nothing will be different as long as you do things the same. If you want a better than stagnant relationship look at yourself first. Your Partner will change eventually and without force or arguments if you subtly alter the way you are towards them.
Give Routine A Rest!
Be spontaneous, change the scenery and get out in the world! New experiences create new memories. Why not try out each others hobbies, it might not become your favorite but it will help you understand and respect each other. You always wanted to learn Tai Chi? Do it together! Learning something new together will strengthen your relationship and the two of you become a team. No time is no longer an excuse! Little gestures like leaving a sweet note or buying small presents don’t take much time but will have an impact.
Act As If It Was Your First Time!
Turn off the TV and go dating. Have eye contact and start flirting again. Not only will it make you feel sexy and desired but also reconnect the two of you. Touching increases hormones that make you happy and decreases your stress level so what prevents you from holding hands or giving each other a massage? Or why not meet at a bar and take on the roles of two strangers picking each other up? Driving back to your place or a Hotel to have a `one night stand´.
Compliment More Than You Complain!
If something upsets you, speak it out. But make sure that’s not the only time you share your feelings. Make an effort to express your appreciation for your partner more frequently than your complaints. Don´t let your feelings or bad mood vent on your partner. And don’t go mad to bed. The resentment will build and you end up feeling upset without even remembering why. Resolve any minor issues before you go to bed or let them go. There are no winners and losers!
Spend Less Time Together!
It’s easy to fall into the pattern of just hanging out with each other, but spending time away from each other will strengthen your stagnant relationship. Enjoy some Sensibly Selfish `me time´, grab a book or make plans with your friends.
‘Till Death Do Us Part… Again
Remember when you just got married and you couldn’t get your hands on each other? Renewing your vows will have the same effect. All you need to do is take some time off for a second honeymoon.
Share Your Dreams And Fantasies!
A couple’s daily conversations can often get caught up in trivial or boring things. Talking about dreams, fantasies, and hopes will open up the door for an inspiring conversation. Did You find similarities? Then share a resolution, get together, push each other, and make it happen!
Keep Those Memories Alive!
Relationships are made of memories. Having a photo album will help you reviving those happy moments you shared together. But don´t forget to add to it!
Establish Your Own Mini-traditions!
It’s easy to create inside jokes and “special spots” at the beginning of a relationship, but eventually, we settle into patterns. Find new places and create traditions that you can call your own, like a new sports bar to watch your favorite football team or having a Bubbly bath Friday.
It is All About You!
Don´t be guided by the perfect relationship you see in the media or which you think the couple next door has. You are who you are and no one is perfect. As long as you love, appreciate each other for what you are, understand and forgive there is nothing that can stop you from falling in love over and over again.
How about you? What did make you fall in love and how did you make it work? Share your secrets and experiences….Can you add to the list?
Read about STRESS HERE.